Wall of ShameTop websites, brutally roasted by AI

The internet's most honest SEO & speed audit. Celebrity AI personas roast the world's biggest sites. Updated weekly.

Leaderboard

50 sites, ranked by SEO

50 sites

#	Site	SEO	Speed	Best Roast
1	etsy.com	50 C	70 C	🍪“The title tag is absent — entirely, completely absent — and one cannot help but feel that this emptiness represents not merely a technical oversight but a kind of existential uncertainty about what the page wishes to be.”	ecommerce
2	reddit.com	50 C	57 C	🎬“NO TITLE TAG?! That's like releasing a film called 'Untitled.' Actually, that's worse. Even my unreleased scripts have titles.”	social
3	booking.com	50 C	44 F	🔍“No title tag. Most peculiar. It's as if someone removed the nameplate from the door. One wonders if they wanted the page to remain... undiscovered.”	travel
4	tripadvisor.com	50 C	70 C	😉“No title tag. Your page is the SEO equivalent of showing up to a party with no name tag and standing in the corner. I would know — I played that guy in a movie once.”	travel
5	twitter.com	53 C	52 C	🦋“No title tag! The page exists in a state of exquisite anonymity. One almost admires the audacity, if it weren't so catastrophic for visibility.”	social
6	tiktok.com	58 C	42 F	🎤“22 characters. The title has no WEIGHT. No GRAVITY. Make it mean something.”	social
7	stackoverflow.com	68 C	57 C	🎬“No meta description. That's fundamentally broken. Like launching a rocket without a guidance system. You're literally leaving SEO to chance.”	tech
8	google.com	68 C	62 C	🍎“6 characters. Too minimal — and not in the good way. There's a difference between elegant simplicity and just... empty.”	search
9	openai.com	70 C	65 C	🔥“6 characters. Sometimes brevity is poetry. This time it's just... brief.”	ai
10	theverge.com	70 C	47 F	🎵“Title tag is 9 chars. Too short. You're leaving ranking signals on the table. That's not hardcore.”	media
11	github.com	75 C	60 C	🔥“Title is 61 characters. Google shows ~60. The rest is literally invisible. Cut the fluff.”	tech
12	instagram.com	75 C	54 C	🍪“9 characters. The title is too brief — it passes through consciousness without leaving a trace, like a face glimpsed from a carriage window.”	social
13	bing.com	75 C	62 C	🧙“22 characters. A title brief as a halfling's stature. Sometimes small things have great power — but not this time.”	search
14	pinterest.com	75 C	57 C	🎤“9 characters. The title has no WEIGHT. No GRAVITY. Make it mean something.”	social
15	alibaba.com	80 A	47 F	🎬“Title is 108 characters. Google shows ~60. The rest is literally invisible. Cut the fluff.”	ecommerce
16	vercel.com	80 A	65 C	🎤“Title is 67 characters. Google shows ~60. The rest is literally invisible. Cut the fluff.”	tech
17	stripe.com	80 A	55 C	🎤“180 characters. You're overexplaining. The VISION should be clear in 160 characters or less. If it's not, the vision is WEAK.”	saas
18	amazon.com	80 A	62 C	🧙“The meta description stretches to 366 characters — a tale too long for the scroll of Google. Only 160 runes shall be displayed; the rest are lost to the void.”	ecommerce
19	airtable.com	80 A	62 C	😎“71 characters. A little more than search engines can show. Less can be more. You know?”	saas
20	techcrunch.com	80 A	50 C	🤖“No H1 tag. This is like building a Tesla without a steering wheel. How is anyone supposed to know where this page is going?”	media
21	youtube.com	80 A	62 C	😉“7 characters. That's the title equivalent of 'hi.' Try harder. Even I try harder, and my bar is famously low.”	entertainment
22	twitch.tv	80 A	57 C	✨“6 characters. Understated is fine when it's intentional. This just feels... incomplete.”	entertainment
23	bbc.com	80 A	42 F	🇺🇸“Title is 116 characters. Google shows ~60. The rest is literally invisible. Cut the fluff.”	media
24	figma.com	85 A	54 C	🍪“The meta description, at 172 characters, overflows the vessel that Google provides for it — those 160 characters that are, in their way, as rigid and unyielding as the social conventions of the Guermantes salon.”	saas
25	airbnb.com	85 A	52 C	📚“Title is 74 characters. Cut it. The good words are hiding under the bad ones.”	travel
26	coursera.org	85 A	47 F	✨“65 characters. Only 60 show up in search. Make those 60 count — they're your red carpet moment.”	education
27	wise.com	85 A	60 C	🔍“70 characters in the title. The evidence exceeds what the search engine can display. The excess is, quite simply, wasted.”	finance
28	wired.com	85 A	37 F	🎵“Title is 71 characters. Google shows ~60. The rest is literally invisible. Cut the fluff.”	media
29	walmart.com	85 A	62 C	🎬“181 characters. More than the frame can hold. There's beauty in restraint. 160 characters. Make them meaningful.”	ecommerce
30	ebay.com	85 A	39 F	😉“No H1 tag. The page has all the direction of a GPS that just says 'good luck.' I've been there. It's not great.”	ecommerce
31	nytimes.com	85 A	35 F	🤖“Title is 66 characters. Google shows ~60. The rest is literally invisible. Cut the fluff.”	media
32	netflix.com	85 A	62 C	🚀“Title is 65 characters. Google shows ~60. The rest is literally invisible. Cut the fluff.”	entertainment
33	canva.com	85 A	62 C	🦋“26 characters. Brevity can be divine, but this is merely insufficient.”	saas
34	theguardian.com	85 A	47 F	👁“No H1 tag. This is like building a Tesla without a steering wheel. How is anyone supposed to know where this page is going?”	media
35	cnn.com	85 A	37 F	🎶“No H1 tag. This is like building a Tesla without a steering wheel. How is anyone supposed to know where this page is going?”	media
36	salesforce.com	85 A	57 C	🚀“Your meta description is 239 characters. Google truncates at 160. You're wasting bytes. Optimize or delete — there's no middle ground.”	saas
37	robinhood.com	85 A	62 C	😎“161 characters. It's a little long. Search engines show about 160. It's worth trimming so people get the full message.”	finance
38	citedy.com	90 A	54 C	🎶“0.1s. fast. clean. good.”	—
39	heroku.com	90 A	62 C	✨“OK, 0.0s load time. Acceptable. Not incredible, but acceptable.”	tech
40	hubspot.com	90 A	47 F	🎵“0.0s. Quick. Clean. Like a key change that lands perfectly.”	saas
41	shopify.com	90 A	62 C	😎“Title is 66 characters. Google shows ~60. The rest is literally invisible. Cut the fluff.”	ecommerce
42	coinbase.com	90 A	57 C	🎬“79 characters. You're giving the audience the whole plot in the title. Leave some mystery. But not too much — 60 characters. Bam.”	finance
43	spotify.com	90 A	57 C	🚀“No H1 tag. This is like building a Tesla without a steering wheel. How is anyone supposed to know where this page is going?”	entertainment
44	paypal.com	90 A	57 C	😉“No H1 tag. The page has all the direction of a GPS that just says 'good luck.' I've been there. It's not great.”	finance
45	digitalocean.com	90 A	57 C	🎶“Title is 63 characters. Google shows ~60. The rest is literally invisible. Cut the fluff.”	tech
46	anthropic.com	90 A	45 F	🍎“16 characters. Too minimal — and not in the good way. There's a difference between elegant simplicity and just... empty.”	ai
47	netlify.com	95 A	57 C	🦋“OK, 0.6s load time. Acceptable. Not incredible, but acceptable.”	tech
48	cloudflare.com	95 A	62 C	😎“OK, 0.0s load time. Acceptable. Not incredible, but acceptable.”	tech
49	slack.com	95 A	60 C	🤖“0.1s load time — that's solid. Performance is one of those areas where being good is table stakes.”	saas
50	udemy.com	95 A	52 C	📦“0.0s. Good operational metric. Maintain it.”	education

VS Battles

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amazon.comVSebay.com amazon.comVSwalmart.com amazon.comVSshopify.com ebay.comVSwalmart.com ebay.comVSshopify.com walmart.comVSshopify.com github.comVSstackoverflow.com github.comVSvercel.com github.comVSnetlify.com stackoverflow.comVSvercel.com stackoverflow.comVSnetlify.com vercel.comVSnetlify.com

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